Apology-found poetry

An apology

Never any sorrow, never any pain. 

Betraying and guilt: struggling. 

Mother; Father - disappointed. 

Apologizing to them

Take away. 

Sorry for the trouble.

Ruined things - wishes. 

All be washed away

Until forgiven and love again?

Tried to make better,

To make beautiful things. 

Challenge the impression

Scripted the joy: pure happiness,

The hope of something better

Our turn to apologize,

Good-bye to the best of us. 

Pure and perfect

Sweet face,

Tiny nose and little ears. 

Wisps of hair-

bright color bows. 

Laughter and joy-

Pure joy. 

You smile, I smile. 

Hold on tight

Tiny fingers round my finger. 

Don't let go

Please don't go

Stay with me. 

Laugh with me. 

Smile a toothless grin. 

Hug and a kiss. 

Laughter and joy. 

Pure and perfect joy. 

Sometimes it sucks

I hate that I can't be a part of things because of you. Making my decision to walk away from you, I knew it would alienate more than just you. Most times I can ignore it, but to see your happy smiling face made me so angry. I hate that I can't be there for the good times and the bad times with my family. I know that if I was there, it would not have been confortable to be near you. I know that I can not force other people to make the same decision as me, but it still hurts. It hurts to know that she got everyone and I got no one. While this hurts and I wish I could have been there to raise a toast to my cousin, it's not as bad as the sad times. I want to be there for all of it. Sure, everyone wants to do the fun stuff, but the sad stuff is when we need each other the most. Not attending my grandfather's funeral because I was afraid of you probably would have made him sad too. I was forced to grieve alone. I didn't have a shoulder to cry on while you embraced the family for love and support. So here I sit, alone, raising my glass to my beautiful cousin. I know this was my choice, but sometimes it sucks. Today it sucks. 

Peanut's joy and happiness

She loves to sing and dance.  She has found a home and it makes my heart sing and dance, just not in front of her friends.  She has always loved to sing and dance.  Randomly we found a choir for her to join.  They sing, they dance and perform everywhere.  She gets to stand on stage with all her new friends and be in her glory.  They are her extended family and the love is mutual.

Last night was performance number two of four for the current show.  She will be as exhausted as she can be, but will smile and laugh and pour her little heart into her performance.  She is currently a member of the junior choir, but I am so excited to see what she has in store for her future.  I know she will be the lead in no time.  But until then, I will watch her grow and help her star grow brighter with each show.  So for now, here is a picture from her first time on stage.

 Big things are in store for that smile and that bow. :-)

Answer the Phone- originally 3/12/98

Unknown faces,

Wanting to know more. 

Smiling feverishly

Letting it come to fact

That the beginning

Is not far from here. 

Why did you come?

Where are the familiar sights?

Did they leave you here?

Why were you left alone?

Someone needs to help;

Show you the door. 

Make the road easier 

To follow the light. 

It seems to be near

Not a bright sparkle

Just a small twinkle. 

Hidden by tree tops 

You can almost touch it. 

Something pulls you back

Surrounds your body

And you can't move or breathe. 

Kicking and silent scream you release. 

They now cover you in dirt. 

Then the reality of death

Comes clear and understood. 

The light was a calling,

But you couldn't answer the phone. 

Here I stand

I knew for a long time that if I were to write a book or to start a blog what I would call it.  It was an easy way to explain my life.  I feel that my life has been filled with promises that were broken by everyone I know and love.  It turns out, that the poem I posted this morning is where I thought of broken promises.  Based off of the date that I wrote on the original, I can guess who it was actually about, but I am not 100% sure. Even though I have grown more than I can ever imagine with my life, I know that I am stronger for the heartache in my life and through those broken promises came unspoken dreams. But I am done keeping secrets, I am going to share them with anyone who will listen. Welcome to the inside of my head, I sincerely apologize for it.  Or maybe I don't.

Broken and Forgotten-originally written 10/13/97

Confusion set in,
Everything blurred.
I can't decide,
Love or hate?
My heart is crying,
The tears roll down my face,
You left me here alone.
Without an answer -
-just questions; unsure.
Is this over,
Or will we meet again?
Will you keep them,
the promises you made?
Should I add them
to my collection?
The countless promises,
Broken and forgotten.